in the beginning, there was...facebook.

this morning, in putting together a few plans to host a little birthday gathering for polotek's birthday at the end of the month, i forwarded him a message through facebook and stumbled across our FIRST message exchange!! funny that i have not seen this since we sent them, as i completely forgot that facebook even had the history stored, and he and i have not facebook messaged each other since april 2008!

LOVE IT!!!

if you remember, in my 'how we met' blog post, i describe that we were first introduced by my jewish aunt on facebook. these are THE messages that we first sent each other, little did we know we would be together forever after that.... <3

AWWW, sappy-love-stuffs!

enjoy, my friends!

perhaps i should have put a disclaimer at the beginning that i may be the only person on earth who cares about this. haha either way, i loooooove it!

picture perfect.

last week was full of happy life gems, one of them being that polotek and i got to see our photos from our engagement session with ananda and bliss fotography. as i told you kids before, we hadn't planned on getting any engagement photos done at all, but then changed our minds after i won this free shoot from a wedding fair. and i'm really glad we decided to do it, because the photos are AWESOME.

awe. some.

i'm going to give you a little sneak preview, and you can go to the bliss fotography site to see more. we will also be sprucing up our currently-drab wedding site with some of the pictures, so you will see them there, too.

pure auss.

ananda was great to work with, she made us feel very comfortable and encouraged us to just be ourselves, and she captured some pretty fab moments between us. also, my day leading up to this shoot was completely batshit crazy, and i was totally flustered and all over the place when we showed up to the ferry building for the shoot.

the back story of that day:

i was tasked with trying to get polotek a nice shirt to wear (his wardrobe basically breaks down to 70% zombie and tech t-shirts, 20% lucky brand jeans, and 10% underwear). well, that morning i was farting around on pinterest and took my time to getting to the mall to get his shirt. i thought i could take my time because i already knew the specific shirt i was going to get, like others polotek has had, from express.

regardless of the fact that it was closer, i wanted to avoid the parking madness that is westfield mall in san francisco, and so i went to daly city in the 'burbs. i did this only to realize that there is no Express at that mall, and when i look up the store locator (ugh! why didn't i do this before i left the house?!) i see that the only one is in westfield mall. in sf. in the downtown yucky tourist cluster.

at this point, time is getting tight, but i'm determined and i think i can make it. so i run to westfield mall, making it in a record time of 15 minutes from daly city. i park the car and get to express in a snap to buy polotek's shirt and a shirt for me. in fact, i did this all in such record time that decide that i can make a pit stop in bloomie's to get a cover-up jacket for my ensemble, too.

well, that actually turned into me looking at a really cute dress that i HAD to try on. and i did. and i liked it. and i contemplated buying it despite it's WTF price tag because it looked really good on me. after a few minutes of twirling in the fitting room, i use my better judgement against it, and return it to the rack. i look at my watch and see i now have to be back at the house REALLY SOON.

i leave the mall, cross the street to pay parking...and realize that the parking ticket is no where to be found. i know i put it in my back pocket, so it must have fallen out in the dressing room. and i run all the way back into the store and into my fitting room to check for the ticket. no dice. so in addition to my waste of time, i end up having to pay $32 dollars for parking less than an hour at the mall i didn't even want to go to in the first place. i'm then annoyed, and running late.

so by the time i got back to the house, i just started throwing clothes, hair pins, makeup and other shit in boxes, and start scrambling to make myself look like a goddess in 15 minutes.

i manage to pick up polotek and my friend who volunteered to help out with the shoot, and make a b-line for the embarcadero.

by the time we show up (somehow only 10 minutes late), i'm a hot-ass-mess. polotek goes to change. then when he comes back, he is not even wearing the shirt i went through all that trouble to buy him because it turns out the shirt i got him didn't even fit.

muthafreakin' WOMP WOMP. after all of that mess i went through. and all the tags were already ripped off and everything. ugh.

luckily, in my box packing madness i threw in another shirt for him to sport. he put that on and it worked out just fine....buuut in the end, we could have saved ourselves a nice hundred plus dollars. oy.

the great thing that turned this exasperating day around was ananda and her overall amazingness.

despite my being totally flustered and polotek not knowing what was going on, she made the photo shoot one of our best experiences. by the time that shoot was over, we were floating on cloud nine. she was very easy to talk to, give my corny ideas to, and ask questions. i think she did a wonderful job of capturing the "essence" of us.

this was my corny idea, but i love it!

ananda is based in the bay area, and won't be traveling to DC to shoot our wedding (we have the wonderful abe landes for that!), but if you are a nor-cal local, and looking for a photographer for something special...i highly recommend her.

check out the photos, tell me what you think!!

smiling for the camera.

i'll be turning 26 on the 26th this year! you only get one of those ___ on the ___ birthdays, so i better live it up! i'm trying to decide what big extravaganza we'll have for my 2011 born day....

oh wait, we are about to spend $15,000 (plus) dollars on a wedding.

well, in that case, i guess i'll just order take out and watch hbo with polotek.

on the upside, i got an awesome birthday gift from a friend this past weekend. it is being used, and will continue to be used!

so purrrrty.

this gorgeous little gem is a ceramic ring holder -- aka operaqueenie-ass-saver. because jean pockets are evil crevices that no one should give into the temptation of putting valuable things inside. ok, that was a tad melodramatic. but i could go the rest of my life without experiencing the insanity of losing my ring again. insurance coverage is underway.

in other news, remember that wedding fair i went to a while ago? well, THIS GIRL put her name in a basket for a free engagement photo shoot and won!!! SNAP! now, i would have much preferred to put my name in for something and won myself a free wedding, but, 'tis the luck of the draw. besides, i never win anything in raffles and the like, so i will rejoice in this victory.

i will also rejoice in the fact that ananda shorey (yes, with an N, and not an M), the face behind the photos of bliss fotography, is very talented and also very awesome for shooting our ugly mugs gratis. now i'm prepping things for the shoot which is this saturday at the ferry building (my east coast peeps, check out the hyperlink if you are unfamiliar with SF landmarks).

that means it's time to tame the mane, press the clothes, veet the legs, paint the nails, wax the furry... brows. i can't wait to dish about the experience and the photos! squeeeeeeeee!

my wedding goddess, the one-and-only schniz, already sent me some inspiration for the shoot...lots of pretty pictures i love to look at. there is this one...i'm so in love with her tulle skirt. there is actually a fantastic etsy shop that she appears to have gotten hers from. i must have one...putting it in the sewing projects queue!

i'm also a fan of this shoot. i dig her style, it feels somewhat reminiscent of my own...

and i like the use of props in photos. i much prefer fun prop shots to a bunch of canoodly kissy pictures. polotek and i are thinking of incorporating a couple things or elements that people identify with us as a couple -- our little whiteboard, our iphones / laptops / miscellaneous apple devices, movies, music (my guitar?). i think it's really neat how this couple incorporated the banner and scrabble pieces!

alright, so let me know if you have any cool ideas for our shoot -- and let me know quick, because we only have 1 day!!!

the natural bride.

i read a blog post this morning that got me thinking. it's from "a curl's best friend", a blog co-written by a high school friend of mine, which really is a must-stop-shop for natural hair -- it gives great tips and inspiration, style ideas, hair recipes (!!!), and talks in-depth about the real issues and struggles of maintaining naturally curly hair of ALL types. the writers, antoinette and shanti, also interview an assortment of ladies and gentlemen about their thoughts on natural hair, how they care for their own hair, etc.

anywho, today i saw an interview post that brought a recurring thought i've had in the last several weeks to the forefront of my mind....how the crap will i wear my hair for the BIG DAY?

i've been natural for about 4 years and have never looked back. well, except maybe when i try to pull off a pressed 'do on really humid days. but i definitely don't miss the insanely torturous burn of creamy crack. or having to pray before every perm that my hair doesn't fall out.

i'd say my mane is about type 4b, and there are lots of things i can do to style it. i love the versatility of my hair. however, most of the "diverse" things i can do with it defy the normal conventions of beauty as it is represented in what we see everyday. while i'm fine rocking my twist out to work or out for drinks, i feel i have to think twice when i'm considering my hair for a fancy occasion or a formal event. let's take it to the styleboard...check out a series of various styles i have worn over the years...

i've always loved to keep people guessing about what style i'd have the next time they saw me...

in short:

the battle for black women everywhere = euro look vs. natural look

clearly, this is/has been an issue for other brides-to-be than myself. now i will say that i tend to air on the side of a more european, tamed and straightened style for special occasions, and it is worth heavily noting that i make, wear and sell handmade wigs and other hair pieces. and the reason why i like to make wigs for myself is because i like the fun of it, and i like to change things up once in a while. but i feel i now have to ask myself if my desire to go euro for the big day is driven by years of fashion media brainwashing that make me think i should look a certain way?

i think the bride featured in the post i mentioned earlier is so beautiful. 

seeing her pictures definitely inspires me to wear a natural style. i also found some other lovely styles on the interwebs, but when i see 99% of them, i'm like....but would that look good on ME?? let's take look at some of those...

click the photo and it will get bigger ;)

luckily, i have 341 days to figure this out and get it right. but right now i'm planning to rock a simply-styled wig for the wedding (see: carla). but what does it say about me that i am inclined to wig it up?

i'm also am contemplating this same dilemma for my engagement shoot {more to come on that -- it's this week!}, but it seems like less of an issue right now -- namely because those photos don't cost thousands of dollars!

cast your votes, people. tell me what YOUR thoughts are on this matter....

diamonds and 'girls'.

D to the I to the A to the M...

oh. my. ring. 

i just experienced the most intense 12 hours of my life. 

i lost my ring. and found it. and now i need a drink.

this is the bottle of wine that i will have consumed entirely by the time i finish this post.

8:40 AM: i'm getting ready to leave for work, go over to my jewelry tree and pick out earrings while calmly commenting, "babe, i can't find my ring. have you seen my ring?"

8:43 AM: after searching frantically around the area i always put my jewelry and not finding my ring, i start to panic. and cry. and freak out, "babe, where's my ring?!?!"

8:50 AM: i quickly re-trace my steps, which has to go back two days -- because i didn't wear it at all the day before due to cleaning the apartment. polotek and i look around all the 'practical' places. no ring. i have also missed my bus for work. i start to cry again.

9:07 AM: polotek has driven me to work and is pulling up to my office. during the ride i recapped all the things i did in the last two days, and the last time i definitively remember having the ring on my finger. still no clue where it could be. polotek is level-headed and tries to console me, but i cry again before getting out of the car. the people walking by on their way to work probably think he is breaking up with me.

12:45 PM: after an excruciatingly long morning at work because of my obsessive worrying, i call polotek to see if he found the ring when he went back home to look. nothing. i make a list on my phone of places to search when i get to the house.

3:16 PM: i text with apey about her trip to hawaii and tell her i can't find my ring (which she warned me the week before that i should insure ASAP). she is equally freaked that i have no idea where it is, and my eyes start watering at the thought that it may not be in my house as i thought all along. i start thinking that maybe what i remember doing in re-tracing my steps is not what actually happened. i can't recall seeing the ring when i cleaned the apartment the day before, and start to wonder (a) if i left it at the grocery store or (b) if it fell into some random thing that got taken out of the house and thrown away or (c) if someone somehow snuck into our place while i was there, without me knowing, and took the ring and left. no kidding.

3:30 PM: i walk into my place and greet polotek's visiting brother. he tells me that he and polotek looked thoroughly for the ring earlier that morning all over the apartment to no avail. he asks what i was wearing when i last remember having it, and if i have checked my jeans pockets. he helps me move furniture and volunteers to search the stinky, nasty trash that should have gone out before he arrived. i decline his offer but continue looking around the apartment.

5:30 PM: i arrive at my voice lesson and my teacher can see that i am not myself. i tell her about my lost diamond ring and try to sing the crazy thoughts out of my mind. it works for the most part until i go home, and drive home with preoccupied thoughts of where the ring might be. i begin to dream up patents for a lo-jack for fine jewelry.

6:45 PM: i'm making dinner and polotek's brother asks me if i'm okay. he says i don't seem to be myself. i agree that i am not myself.

8:00 PM: we finish dinner and start re-hashing the places searched for the ring. polotek and i split up looking in various places for the ring. i start in the closet, sifting through the laundry and pockets of clothes i may have touched in the last couple days. polotek goes for the trash. the stinky, smelly, gross trash that has all the old and moldy food from the fridge that i threw out. the trash with a ripened stink that has been shielded from us thanks to a solid, snapping plastic lid. the trash that i was too embarrassed to have a guest see, and planned to get rid of before he arrived, but never tossed due to thinking that my ring may be in there.

8:05 PM: polotek fashions himself a face mask out of a dish towel because the stench of the garbage is THAT BAD. 

and we are searching.

....searching.

..........search. ing.

no ring.

8:35 PM: we switch up where we are looking, polotek goes into the closet. i tell him i already looked there. especially in the laundry basket and the pockets of all my jeans.

8:40 PM: polotek comes out with my jeans in one hand and a diamond ring on the tip of his finger. "where did you say you put the ring, again?"

my savior!! oh, how i LOVE this man! the first thing i feel after PURE elation is sorry for my poor baby searching through the funktastic trash. that yucky stinky ass trash that had all the old crap from the fridge. and sorry that i didn't get a picture of his garbage odyssey.

IN MY JEANS POCKET. good golly, miss molly.

so after all of that (!!!), let me tell you about {in my best Smeagol voice} the precious.

we were less than two months shy of the three year mark when i went with polotek to mervis diamond in tyson's corner, and tried on what must have been dozens of rings. after an hour or so, i whittled it down to about 5 or 6 rings, each with something i liked about it.

but what i got was even greater than i could have ever imagined. 

what was in the wooden box presented to me at the beach in carmel was custom designed by polotek. 

the only one like it in the world, it was 2 carats of the shiniest diamonds i've ever seen.

and it was drop dead gorgeous.

::: gush :::

he took all the things i loved about the rings i tried on: round diamond in the middle, small round diamonds on either side that wrap only halfway around {because srsly, who needs diamonds on the inside of their hands?}, bar settings to separate the complementary stones, the primary stone set as low a possible {he remembered how i didn't want too much elevation off my hand}, platinum {ahem, need i say more?}.

jeebus. i thought i loved this beauty before! now i've been seriously been scared straight about losing this baby. insurance, anyone? yes, please! 

my baby loooves me. he thinks i'm speeeecial. he wants to kiiiisss me. and be my huuuuusband....

preliminary decisions.

we've been engaged for a little less than a month, and i am already totally obsessed and consumed with wedding fever.

let me say that i was not one of those little girls who started planning this thing when she was five. in fact, pre-engagement, all i wanted was for someone to tell me when and where to show up -- with the idea being that there would be a party all day and all night, and somewhere along the way, we'd exchange some rings and say some stuff.

polotek and i are obviously very serious people. see exhibit A below.

see? so cereal.

ha, but really. while i'd like to think that i haven't strayed too far from my free-loving idea, something did indeed happen when polotek put this two-carat beauty on my left hand. some kind of bridal magic spell came over me and convinced me that i must make this an affair to remember.

all kidding aside, i do consider this an important event for our families and friends. and i'm not going to get all "fight the power" on this blog, but i will say that it makes us proud to know that we are defying the odds and statistics that overwhelmingly show the stable black relationship as some elusive thing. like a double rainbow. or michelle bachmann's common sense.

offbeat. unique. cool. fun. all words i want people to use when they are raving to their peeps about the awesome time they had at our wedding. hellmuthafreakinyeah.

that's literally what i said, by the way. when polotek asked me to marry him. except it was the actual expletive. obviously.

preliminary decisions are the hard part. at least that's what they tell me. i sure as hell hope it gets easier after this. there's a lot of moving parts right now -- budget, venue, invite list. stress? check.

the numbers estimate is floating somewhere between 120-200. that is a large gap. we have to work that out. but part of that depends on what venue we land, which feels like we are playing a game of craps. we've decided to have the wedding in the dc area (even though we recently moved across this big country to san francisco) so we can have as many of our special people attend as possible. but scoring a low-cost venue in the dc metro area is no small feat. so i am learning.

honestly, i don't know what i'd do without schniz to pull more and more options out of her hat. its only been a few weeks, and she has already sent countless emails to places, and pulled me back from the brink of craycray at least twice. she is a wedding goddess. working tirelessly for us to find a venue that we love for less than $2,500.

does that sound like a lot of money to you? because it initially did to me. i'm learning a lot during this process, and let me impart the first lesson: weddings are not cheap. putting numbers on paper for a wedding will hurt your soul. unless you are rich. then the possibilities are endless! however, we are not rich. we are forking up $15K from our pockets to bring this lovely (and not so) little affair to fruition. there have been weddings pulled off with less, and definitely with more. but in the realm of wedding planning, we're looking at smallish peas, people.

and we are doing this the debt-free way, so that means budget, budget budget! lucky for me, i am marrying a money management master.

but still -- this wedding ish ain't cheap.