it ain't over!

we're married, bitches!!

yep, that's right. and i've got so much to share from the wedding. but first, due to popular demand, i want to post the vows we exchanged. enjoy!

my vows....

Marco,

On this day, I think of all the reasons

I am honored to become your wife:

In you I’ve found more than I could have ever hoped,

more than I dreamed a man could be.

In your arms, I am happy and safe.

You’re my hero, my protector, my love.

We are alike and different in many ways.

Our similarities bond us together,

and our differences are complements that make us stronger.

There is nothing we cannot do when we stand together.

No matter what,

you love me for who I am, 

and free me to sing my own song.

I am so grateful for that.

The many things that you do to make me happy

touch me more than you know.

You see and know me through and through,

and always make me feel beautiful.

I love you; I respect you; I trust you;

We’ve had many great memories together,

and as we start a new chapter in the story of our lives,

I know that we still have so much ahead:

a lifetime of love, more milestones, and more wonderful memories.

Continue to be no one else but yourself.

You are my partner, my friend, my love, my life.

Now and always, I promise to be faithful and supportive 

and to make your love and happiness my priority.

I promise to be honest and communicate fully and fearlessly.

I promise to have the patience that love demands. 

No matter what changes we go through,

we will grow together.

I will always be with you.

his vows...

Aniyia,

I love you. When I found you, I found the part of me that I didn't know

was missing. You are my light when it's dark. When it's cold, you make

me warm. You make me happier than I knew I could be.

There are so many reasons I fell in love with you. Your joy is

contagious, and affects everyone around you. 

You have so much heart that there's room for everyone. 

But you keep a special place for me. You help

me see the best in this world and in myself. When I'm with you, I want

to be the best man I can be, so that I deserve someone as beautiful as

you by my side.

It's hard to explain the things you do for me. I feel I've found my best

friend, and I want to share everything with you. You keep me out of

trouble. You take care of me. You push me when I need to go forward, and

you pull me when I'm afraid I'll slide back. When we're together, we can

accomplish anything.

These years with you have been the happiest of my life. And when I look

ahead, I see even greater things. I see love and laughter and family.

But no matter where the road leads, I know I want you to be there with

me. I know wherever we are, it will feel like home. I take all of you as

you are. And I give you all of me.

Now and always, I promise to be faithful and supportive  and to make

your love and happiness my priority. I promise to be honest and

communicate fully and fearlessly. I promise to have the patience that

love demands. No matter what changes we go through, we will grow

together. I will always be with you.

the natural bride...part ii

i have so much info to share on the wedding front, but since i'm up at 6am thinking about it, i'm gonna start with a hair update. it's now been 7 months since i wrote this post about how i'll style my wedding mane, but i don't know how much progress i've made in coming to a decision.

womp, womp.

i have pretty solidly decided on natural style, but i haven't really established a special 'do that's really above and beyond how i wear my hair on a normal day.

maybe i'm making this too big of a thing? maybe i should just do something super simple and get a really cool headpiece? as it is, i've talked with schniz about putting orchids in my hair. {ooh! more info to come about orchidssss!} but no style has really settled in as THE thing.

i can't say that i've made no progress, though. i have managed to pull off two major successes that could play into the big (day) picture! both of them were inspired by videos i've watched by naptural85. i have to thank miss jericabella for the recommendation to start following her blog! naptural85 has been a great hairspiration for me!

ok, two successes (and i gots some photos!).

#1 is the two-strand flat twist. with a side puff. this is my new favorite hairstyle. even if i can only twist it well on the left side of my head....i've got that side mastered! i love the look though. it's super simple and classy. but maybe too casual for a bride? the verdict is still out on that one. here's a pic of the look -- this is me and schniz at my east coast bachelorette (!!!) party:

i heart my wedding goddess!

#2 is buying and trying curlformers. i have only attempted it once, and i mostly consider that time a success, but imperfect in a few key ways that i can improve for the future.

1. i need more curlformers (which sucks because those snitches ain't cheap) to really achieve the fuller curly look i want.

2. i need to trim my gross, knotty ends before my next solid attempt at this.

3. sleeping in those suckers is a NO NO. oh jeebus was that one of the worst nights of sleep! next time, the bonnet dryer will be in effect!

4. setting lotion / flaxseed gel or something with holding power is a must. and probably a solid spray of anti-humectant at the end, just to be on the safe side. i thought i could get away with only using a shea butter pomade on my hair. well, the finished product was cute for most of day one...but day two -- oh dear. well, the best way that i can describe how it looked was 'poop doodles'. not a fan! i hate poop.

check out the process in photos. first i had to put those puppies in, which was both easier and harder than i thought it would be, but still faster than my usual hand twisting.

yeah. SUPER attractive.

i'm smiling in that picture above because it's BEFORE i went to sleep. not so many smiles after that 'til i took 'em out the next morning. see pics below for the fresh unraveling! i was surprised i could achieve a curl like that with NO HEAT! and i did break the curls up for more volume after these pics, but would love to have to do that as little as possible next time...

later that day i was out and about with polotek. he loves to smile for the camera.

alright, peeps. tell me what you think! weigh in!

in the beginning, there was...facebook.

this morning, in putting together a few plans to host a little birthday gathering for polotek's birthday at the end of the month, i forwarded him a message through facebook and stumbled across our FIRST message exchange!! funny that i have not seen this since we sent them, as i completely forgot that facebook even had the history stored, and he and i have not facebook messaged each other since april 2008!

LOVE IT!!!

if you remember, in my 'how we met' blog post, i describe that we were first introduced by my jewish aunt on facebook. these are THE messages that we first sent each other, little did we know we would be together forever after that.... <3

AWWW, sappy-love-stuffs!

enjoy, my friends!

perhaps i should have put a disclaimer at the beginning that i may be the only person on earth who cares about this. haha either way, i loooooove it!

st. francis hall.

oh, how i love thee.

polotek and i got to visit the site during our east coast tour with schniz.
 :::sings the song from top gun::: "take my breath awaaaaaay..."

i'm definitely excited about the venue. and things are really coming together -- the venue is beautiful. our caterer has a relationship with the venue. our minister is also familiar with the venue. happiness abounds.

they really don't do it justice, but here's a couple rough photos i took with my iphizzle....

view from the front

to the right of the hall is the franciscan monastery with drop dead gorgeous arches that we WILL be taking photos under!!! this photo was taken from the parking lot across the street. so there is accessible parking for people that want to drive and it's also metro accessible. 

first glance into the hall

the ceremony will happen on the lawn outside (unless the weather is no bueno), but when you walk into the hall (where the reception/party will be) you see this lovely open space! it may seem a bit lackluster with the empty tables and stacked chairs, but if you use a little bit of imagination, this can be reeeeeally cool once decorated. helloooo, tall centerpieces!

YES to the dress!

well, THIS GIRL has got a wedding dress. very exciting stuff. but this also means that i won't be sewing my own bridal masterpiece. aww. but no worries, i still have plenty to work on: table runners, paper flowers, table decor and other bits and pieces.

polotek and i have been on a little east coast tour for the last several days and have found ourselves in dc, philadelphia, new york city and now atlanta.

christmas at my folks' house in philly

nyc happened so we could make a day of dress shopping. well, the boys went to hang out and drink somewhere while the ladies searched for a dress. we had a couple appointments lined up with lovely bridal shop and nicole miller, and we dropped into rk bridal and david's bridal as walk-ins.
we did not leave new york with a dress, but i learned a very important lesson about searching for your wedding dress: you cannot judge a dress by its hanger. or the size 2 model wearing it in a picture.

yeah, what i had drooled over for weeks when searching online, and was so confident was going to be pure hotness when i got to try it on, was not at all what i expected when i put it on my body.

conversely, some dresses that i didn't expect to look good when looking at it on the hanger looked awesome on me. so basically all the "prep" work i had done in searching for what would be my perfect dress match online went out the window very quickly. though it wasn't a complete waste, it did help as a starting point.

how about a few visuals to compare?

these two dresses were in my top choices, but when i put them on, all i heard was...womp womp.

oleg cassini

vera wang

      

here are a couple of dresses i thought would not work for me...but when i put them on, angels started singing!

nicole miller
(what's with the model's stank face?)

watters

fast forward to yesterday, now in atlanta. i did round two of shopping with three of my favorite atl ladies in buckhead, and we managed to walk through the selection at winnie couture and got some last minute appointments at brides by demetrios and le dress boutique.

when we went to le dress boutique, a "luxury dress consignment shop", we started by picking out several size 10 dresses but when i went to try them on, none of them fit except one! i'm not sure why gowns run so small...talk about killing a bride's spirit!

so my family was scrambling to find me gowns to try on in the next size up. my auntie and cousins picked out a few randoms, unsure about how they would look or if i would like them. ha! who knew one of those gowns would be the one....?

i had a feeling about the dress as it was being taken out of the plastic garment bag that it would be something special, and after i put it on my gut feeling was confirmed.

once i knew this one was a serious contender, i sent schniz a few pictures to get her thoughts. she sent me her buy in immediately, and my atl family agreed that i would be crazy to not walk out of the shop without the dress. i'm not gonna lie, there were a couple wet eyes in the parlor.

wanna see what i picked? check out this link. also look here and here for more photos. i'm not going to post the photo in this post -- that way polotek can choose to not look at it. i wouldn't be too worried about ruining the surprise for you though, because like i said before, you can't judge a dress by its model or hanger, and i'm also planning to make a few minor tweaks to add to the awesome. but still, if you can help yourself, try not to comment on the design of the dress on this post.


so i called my prince charming from the boutique and told him that i found the dress. he was a little surprised that i found it so soon. but the real shocker for me was that he didn't even ask me how much it cost! when i asked him about it, he said it didn't matter as long as it was the dress that made me happy. :::gush:::

reason #45873 why i am marrying this man.


my inital hope was to find a dress for less than $1,000. after shopping around i realized pretty quickly that the dresses i liked were not going to be in that price range. they seemed to all sit in the $2,000 area. however, the price i paid for dress and sash.....was....drumroll please....
$875 total! that includes the dress and a sash i bought to go with it. and i could take it with me since i bought it from a consignment shop!

to my other brides: as a newbie to all things wedding, it would have been helpful for me to know some things when considering my dress purchase.

• making appointments is a must. some places will take walk-ins, but definitely plan ahead by scheduling a time with the shop. it's worth it to have the extra time with the consultants, who should be very knowledgeable and can find you more dresses you like with ease. note that a few places may require you to have a ring and a date already. 
• give yourself 6-9 months before the wedding at the LEAST to start shopping. this was crazy to me when i first heard it, but it's true. most wedding shops have to order your gown and it can take 4 months or more to get it in. then you still have to have time for alterations.
• know that pricing for the same dress can vary from shop to shop, and if you can, take the info of your favorite dress to the interwebs and see if you can find it on sale somewhere or buy it pre-owned if you are okay with that kind of thing. 
• be ready to potentially pay tax and shipping on your dress. 
• don't forget to budget in accessories such as a sash, fascinator or veil and jewelry and shoes -- i still don't have most of these items, but have it built into the budget.
• alterations are what can take your dress from beautiful to jaw-dropping! get referrals from bridal shops you trust for a good seamstress. one that specializes in altering wedding gowns and not hemming pants. also, make sure you have the money set aside for the alterations, too.

i have more to share about a couple other events that happened in the last several days -- marriage counseling and seeing the venue....more on that later!

cater 2 me.

see? i haven't forgotten about you. life has just been....life. busy and amazing all at once.

something that happened since my last post....WE BOOKED A CATERER!
woooohoooo!

a holiday miracle!

that was no easy feat. it's good that i was armed with a wedding goddess to help with what seemed like an endless re-tooling of the contract. but i think it ended up being something that is going to make our big day an awesome one.

i have to admit that it was tough choosing who we wanted to go with, even though we were only seriously looking at two caterers. and after much ado, we are going to have R&R Catering of Springfield, VA handle our catering needs!

one thing (of many) that assures us about having made this choice is that they have partnered with St. Francis Hall before, and seem to have a great working relationship with them.

whew. i'm so glad this part is taken care of.

a note to future brides reading this: please PLEASE be ready to put down mega money for the catering part of the wedding. and even more important, be ready to put down a large chunk of dollars for the deposit. we only had to pay a 25% deposit, which schniz tells me is conservative, but that was about $2,150..... now you can do the math of how much the entire catering bill will be.

so, if polotek or i ask, all one hundred and fifty of you bastards coming to the wedding better tell us the food was one of the best meals of your life.

truth be told, we haven't come to a final decision on what the actual menu will be, and luckily we have plenty of time to mull it over. all i know is that mac-n-cheese will be apart of it somehow. that's a definite. and we are doing something special for the dessert portion, so no wedding cake (or cutting fee) is in the catering number. that will be a separate line item of the budget entirely.

but some of the things included were:
* ceremony set-up and breakdown
* cocktail hour munchies
* beer & wine open bar
* buffet style meal for 150
* actual dishes, linens and service for a 5-hour 150 person wedding
* piece of mind

i know people have opinions. any feedback for me on caterers in general or what kind of food is good to eat?

picture perfect.

last week was full of happy life gems, one of them being that polotek and i got to see our photos from our engagement session with ananda and bliss fotography. as i told you kids before, we hadn't planned on getting any engagement photos done at all, but then changed our minds after i won this free shoot from a wedding fair. and i'm really glad we decided to do it, because the photos are AWESOME.

awe. some.

i'm going to give you a little sneak preview, and you can go to the bliss fotography site to see more. we will also be sprucing up our currently-drab wedding site with some of the pictures, so you will see them there, too.

pure auss.

ananda was great to work with, she made us feel very comfortable and encouraged us to just be ourselves, and she captured some pretty fab moments between us. also, my day leading up to this shoot was completely batshit crazy, and i was totally flustered and all over the place when we showed up to the ferry building for the shoot.

the back story of that day:

i was tasked with trying to get polotek a nice shirt to wear (his wardrobe basically breaks down to 70% zombie and tech t-shirts, 20% lucky brand jeans, and 10% underwear). well, that morning i was farting around on pinterest and took my time to getting to the mall to get his shirt. i thought i could take my time because i already knew the specific shirt i was going to get, like others polotek has had, from express.

regardless of the fact that it was closer, i wanted to avoid the parking madness that is westfield mall in san francisco, and so i went to daly city in the 'burbs. i did this only to realize that there is no Express at that mall, and when i look up the store locator (ugh! why didn't i do this before i left the house?!) i see that the only one is in westfield mall. in sf. in the downtown yucky tourist cluster.

at this point, time is getting tight, but i'm determined and i think i can make it. so i run to westfield mall, making it in a record time of 15 minutes from daly city. i park the car and get to express in a snap to buy polotek's shirt and a shirt for me. in fact, i did this all in such record time that decide that i can make a pit stop in bloomie's to get a cover-up jacket for my ensemble, too.

well, that actually turned into me looking at a really cute dress that i HAD to try on. and i did. and i liked it. and i contemplated buying it despite it's WTF price tag because it looked really good on me. after a few minutes of twirling in the fitting room, i use my better judgement against it, and return it to the rack. i look at my watch and see i now have to be back at the house REALLY SOON.

i leave the mall, cross the street to pay parking...and realize that the parking ticket is no where to be found. i know i put it in my back pocket, so it must have fallen out in the dressing room. and i run all the way back into the store and into my fitting room to check for the ticket. no dice. so in addition to my waste of time, i end up having to pay $32 dollars for parking less than an hour at the mall i didn't even want to go to in the first place. i'm then annoyed, and running late.

so by the time i got back to the house, i just started throwing clothes, hair pins, makeup and other shit in boxes, and start scrambling to make myself look like a goddess in 15 minutes.

i manage to pick up polotek and my friend who volunteered to help out with the shoot, and make a b-line for the embarcadero.

by the time we show up (somehow only 10 minutes late), i'm a hot-ass-mess. polotek goes to change. then when he comes back, he is not even wearing the shirt i went through all that trouble to buy him because it turns out the shirt i got him didn't even fit.

muthafreakin' WOMP WOMP. after all of that mess i went through. and all the tags were already ripped off and everything. ugh.

luckily, in my box packing madness i threw in another shirt for him to sport. he put that on and it worked out just fine....buuut in the end, we could have saved ourselves a nice hundred plus dollars. oy.

the great thing that turned this exasperating day around was ananda and her overall amazingness.

despite my being totally flustered and polotek not knowing what was going on, she made the photo shoot one of our best experiences. by the time that shoot was over, we were floating on cloud nine. she was very easy to talk to, give my corny ideas to, and ask questions. i think she did a wonderful job of capturing the "essence" of us.

this was my corny idea, but i love it!

ananda is based in the bay area, and won't be traveling to DC to shoot our wedding (we have the wonderful abe landes for that!), but if you are a nor-cal local, and looking for a photographer for something special...i highly recommend her.

check out the photos, tell me what you think!!

anything you can do, i can do better.

and by "you", i really don't mean you reading this blog. i mean the hypothetical "yous" of the weddingverse. and the statement is still a slight exaggeration.... okay, eff it, it was a catchy title.

moving on...

i've been feeling very inspired to sew things in the last couple months. and with each successful project, i get a little more ambitious. so ambitious, i will note, that as of the last couple days i'm asking myself why i can't sew my own wedding dress. eh? eh??

source

so i realize that this week i've been talking about wild things like paleo dieting -- which by the way, polotek and i have started the challenge and i will document parts of the journey on my former blog "le petite pane", now "le petit paleo" -- and now crazytime talk of me thinking i'm vera wang or justin alexander or maggie sottero or something.

well, shut your trap and bare with me. this is my blog and i can talk crazy if i want to!

i now have a new fixation, and until i become familiar with the actual ins-and-outs of what it would require, i'm seriously considering it. armed with a good pattern or tutorial, i can be pretty nifty with a needle and thread. plus, i've been making my way through my exhaustive list of inspired projects since june...

ha, that guitar case was a serious test.

so here is how i got to thinking DIY wedding dress...
i have been discussing the search for the perfect dress a lot in the last couple weeks. i'm slated to kick-off the dress-a-thon with my stepmommy and aunt at christmastime in new york city. i'm waaaaay excited to do this. appointments are being scheduled. we may even hit up klienfield's, the shop from "say yes to the dress"!

but as we know, "in a new york minute, ooOOOooo, everything can change..." ha, please excuse my random inside joke reference. i know it will make at least two people laugh.

too priceless not to post!

anyway, i'm on the mccall's site looking for some other dress pattern...by the way they are having an EPIC SALE until monday where you can get printed patterns for one and a half beans. dead cereal. aaaah, i got 7 patterns for $1.50 each!!!!

so i'm looking for a couple patterns i can mish-mash together to make a dress like this one or this one, and i saw this. and i'm like, pretty pretty princess, much? ick. but then as i looked a little closer at the take-your-pick of styling and imagined much prettier fabric than the ones used on the model, i kind of warmed up to the idea of trying to make a formal dress. maybe all the easy sew patterns i was looking at beforehand gassed me up a little, but i'm thinking...i could totally do this!

i then put it up on pinterest, half joking. hmmm, and also half serious. then while doing some web surfing, i came across this blog post by a bride who did the damn thing. then i'm thinking...well. she did it! amaze.

from a cost standpoint, i could probably make about 10 dresses for the price that it costs to buy one in the store. and while i am still technically an amateur seamstress, practice makes perfect, right? i have several months to create mock ups and iron out the kinks, but then again, do i have the patience for this?? i dunno. in any case, if this does happen, i would likely recruit a master seamstress to help advise me with the tough parts...grandma, are you reading?

well, i invested the dollar and fifty cents and ordered the pattern. once it arrives, if i give the pattern a good lookover and if i still think i can really pull it off, i legit may try to do it. though i definitely wouldn't start 'til 2012, and YES a dress form would be purchased :::cough, cough::: {christmas present}. then i could use all the dresses i see over the holidays as inspiration for fabric, colors, and embellishments...

or shit, i could just find my dream dress in new york and that would be the end of it. i'm also completely fine with that option, because who am i kidding? others have tried and given up, and i certainly have crafty-project-ADD.

my big, fat....self.

we had an awesome shoot on saturday. i'll share more about the experience after we get to see the photos in a few weeks. i know that the shots ananda took will probably be amazing because i did get a glimpse of a couple on her camera screen. she's fab. marco and i loved the shoot.

however, the more important issue of today is when i was looking at a few behind-the-scenes photos taken by a friend of mine who helped out, something i saw was pretty saddening. i noticed how big i've gotten. ugh.

i actually look pretty cute in this one -- did you think i would post a "whale" photo of myself on here?!?!

as i was flipping through my friend's pictures i couldn't help but ask, "oh dear god, why am i so HUGE?!"

well, i actually DO know the answer to this. and it seems to be a recurring theme in recent conversations polotek and i have had. we know that the way we have been treating our bodies is not good. and i don't want to turn into one of the klumps! my knees are already bad enough, i doubt they could stand eddie murphy weight!

i know it's definitely a "thing" that brides-to-be (and bridesmaids) get all self-conscious about their scale digits and do all kinds of crazy stuff. diet pills, starving themselves, liposuction, ordering a dress in their "dream" size. ummm, no thank you. not for me. that sounds dreadful!

what i'm planning on doing is changing over to more paleo-focused eating. maybe this is my crazy thing. well, i mean, it's not really all that crazy. but it is a little unconventional. and i'm ready to take things in a new direction.

i specifically want to follow the guidelines of the bulletproof diet, as outlined by dave asprey. but i'm not planning on going cold turkey. i know doing that won't work for me. you should really read about it, but in a nutshell the diet is not based on moderating caloric intake at all -- what it requires is for a person to eat things that will keep their blood sugar levels low and insulin levels low, thereby allowing less storage and more burning of fat. the things you eat in a paleo diet are mostly comprised of natural fats (50-60% of your calories in a day, whaaaa?!) and protein, and lots of vegetables.

now, i know to some of you reading this, this new way of eating may sound completely cuckoo-pants. at first it did to me, too. but i know people who have been living the lifestyle for quite some time, and have seen the results firsthand. right now i am reading and trying to absorb as much about it as possible. SO MUCH is different from how i think about eating.

here are some initial things that i know will be challenges:
(1) eliminating (even a little bit of) grains / starches / sugars - the top culprits of high blood sugar.
(2) cutting back on the booze because of the sugars produced by alcohol = massive frowny face -- womp, womp -- i should probably walk away right now...
(3) lots of veggies....blah
(4) all that fat???
(5) my birthday is this week / i have people coming to visit in early november / the holidays AKA food-binge-o-rama is right around the corner.

some positives:
(1) all that fat!!!
(2) the diet seems to require very little, if any, exercise for most people. (hellmuthaf*ckinyeah!) :D

to that last point -- let's be real. people who know me know that i can avoid exercise like the plague. i'm quite good at it, actually. i'm so over trying to convince myself that i love to exercise. because i don't. i think if i did then i'd be doing it right now, instead of researching paleo dieting.

whenever i psych myself up to exercise, the time rolls around and i suddenly have too many other important things to do. like clean the house. or sew something. or upload pictures of fabric samples to pinterest. ha, molto importante!

my plan is to try to EASE into it. 
what does that mean? good question. for now it entails a two-week challenge of no grains and starches EXCEPT for up to one cup of rice each week. then, after that, i'll pick up one new small change every week or so afterward.

interested in chronicling my possible success or utter failure with me? i thought you might be. look for me to hijack my friends' group fitness blog, or revive my dormant blog, le petit pane. i guess i may have to consider changing my blog name, being that the title is a mish-mash of french and italian that means "the little bread".

either way, i'll keep you all posted on which channel i will share my frustrations. because, trust me, there WILL be frustrations.

diamonds and 'girls'.

D to the I to the A to the M...

oh. my. ring. 

i just experienced the most intense 12 hours of my life. 

i lost my ring. and found it. and now i need a drink.

this is the bottle of wine that i will have consumed entirely by the time i finish this post.

8:40 AM: i'm getting ready to leave for work, go over to my jewelry tree and pick out earrings while calmly commenting, "babe, i can't find my ring. have you seen my ring?"

8:43 AM: after searching frantically around the area i always put my jewelry and not finding my ring, i start to panic. and cry. and freak out, "babe, where's my ring?!?!"

8:50 AM: i quickly re-trace my steps, which has to go back two days -- because i didn't wear it at all the day before due to cleaning the apartment. polotek and i look around all the 'practical' places. no ring. i have also missed my bus for work. i start to cry again.

9:07 AM: polotek has driven me to work and is pulling up to my office. during the ride i recapped all the things i did in the last two days, and the last time i definitively remember having the ring on my finger. still no clue where it could be. polotek is level-headed and tries to console me, but i cry again before getting out of the car. the people walking by on their way to work probably think he is breaking up with me.

12:45 PM: after an excruciatingly long morning at work because of my obsessive worrying, i call polotek to see if he found the ring when he went back home to look. nothing. i make a list on my phone of places to search when i get to the house.

3:16 PM: i text with apey about her trip to hawaii and tell her i can't find my ring (which she warned me the week before that i should insure ASAP). she is equally freaked that i have no idea where it is, and my eyes start watering at the thought that it may not be in my house as i thought all along. i start thinking that maybe what i remember doing in re-tracing my steps is not what actually happened. i can't recall seeing the ring when i cleaned the apartment the day before, and start to wonder (a) if i left it at the grocery store or (b) if it fell into some random thing that got taken out of the house and thrown away or (c) if someone somehow snuck into our place while i was there, without me knowing, and took the ring and left. no kidding.

3:30 PM: i walk into my place and greet polotek's visiting brother. he tells me that he and polotek looked thoroughly for the ring earlier that morning all over the apartment to no avail. he asks what i was wearing when i last remember having it, and if i have checked my jeans pockets. he helps me move furniture and volunteers to search the stinky, nasty trash that should have gone out before he arrived. i decline his offer but continue looking around the apartment.

5:30 PM: i arrive at my voice lesson and my teacher can see that i am not myself. i tell her about my lost diamond ring and try to sing the crazy thoughts out of my mind. it works for the most part until i go home, and drive home with preoccupied thoughts of where the ring might be. i begin to dream up patents for a lo-jack for fine jewelry.

6:45 PM: i'm making dinner and polotek's brother asks me if i'm okay. he says i don't seem to be myself. i agree that i am not myself.

8:00 PM: we finish dinner and start re-hashing the places searched for the ring. polotek and i split up looking in various places for the ring. i start in the closet, sifting through the laundry and pockets of clothes i may have touched in the last couple days. polotek goes for the trash. the stinky, smelly, gross trash that has all the old and moldy food from the fridge that i threw out. the trash with a ripened stink that has been shielded from us thanks to a solid, snapping plastic lid. the trash that i was too embarrassed to have a guest see, and planned to get rid of before he arrived, but never tossed due to thinking that my ring may be in there.

8:05 PM: polotek fashions himself a face mask out of a dish towel because the stench of the garbage is THAT BAD. 

and we are searching.

....searching.

..........search. ing.

no ring.

8:35 PM: we switch up where we are looking, polotek goes into the closet. i tell him i already looked there. especially in the laundry basket and the pockets of all my jeans.

8:40 PM: polotek comes out with my jeans in one hand and a diamond ring on the tip of his finger. "where did you say you put the ring, again?"

my savior!! oh, how i LOVE this man! the first thing i feel after PURE elation is sorry for my poor baby searching through the funktastic trash. that yucky stinky ass trash that had all the old crap from the fridge. and sorry that i didn't get a picture of his garbage odyssey.

IN MY JEANS POCKET. good golly, miss molly.

so after all of that (!!!), let me tell you about {in my best Smeagol voice} the precious.

we were less than two months shy of the three year mark when i went with polotek to mervis diamond in tyson's corner, and tried on what must have been dozens of rings. after an hour or so, i whittled it down to about 5 or 6 rings, each with something i liked about it.

but what i got was even greater than i could have ever imagined. 

what was in the wooden box presented to me at the beach in carmel was custom designed by polotek. 

the only one like it in the world, it was 2 carats of the shiniest diamonds i've ever seen.

and it was drop dead gorgeous.

::: gush :::

he took all the things i loved about the rings i tried on: round diamond in the middle, small round diamonds on either side that wrap only halfway around {because srsly, who needs diamonds on the inside of their hands?}, bar settings to separate the complementary stones, the primary stone set as low a possible {he remembered how i didn't want too much elevation off my hand}, platinum {ahem, need i say more?}.

jeebus. i thought i loved this beauty before! now i've been seriously been scared straight about losing this baby. insurance, anyone? yes, please! 

my baby loooves me. he thinks i'm speeeecial. he wants to kiiiisss me. and be my huuuuusband....

feed me, seymour.

now, on to the next challenge. schniz, polotek and i are looking at our options for the biggest line item of this whole shebang.

foooooood. and booze.

actually there is far more that caterers handle, too. including (but not limited to): linens, china, silverware, servers, set-up, breakdown, decor, yada yada...
all that schtuff costs money.

i can't say how lucky i am to have a dear friend with a catering company in her family!!! this is awesome because we get to talk to and possibly work with a company who we can trust, is bound to be more understanding, will work with us, and we know will aim to please. this is a very good thing. we have already chatted with the company about possible options, and i can't wait to see what they come back with.

there is also another caterer with potential. we've got some personal testimonies about their good quality, and they seem to be willing to work with us and our rinky-dink catering budget.

the line that we currently have for the caterer is $5,000, but that was (1) before we realized we were going to invite up to 200 people, and (2) before we had any flipping idea how much food and drinks cost for a wedding. we want quality AND affordability, but we would definitely be willing to pay a little extra if it guarantees a good time had by all.

the last thing we want people to think is "boy, did they cheap out of the food..." i embrace my food snobbiness, and i feel the food should reflect our tastes. but we have to find that happy balance of also being able to afford it all.

really, this is the one major thing that threatens to break the budget, and it seems to be this way because of all the mouths we will have to feed. but like i have previously said, polotek and i want to include our peeps without exclusion. it's so hard to do the: "i REALLY want so-and-so to cooooome, but we can only have xx people." especially when you have a ton of family, like me.

the good thing is we have lots of ideas on how we can put this together and save on some of the costs. like ditching the expensive traditional flower centerpieces and getting more creative with the table aesthetic. i'm also planning on making some table runners with a lovely fabric that schniz picked out, and that will lower the cost of linen rentals. maybe we will even go with faux chinaware. and yes, some people will be asked to come as singles. sorry if this makes you sad, but everyone will certainly still have an awesome time. and eat awesome food. and drink to their hearts' delight.

not to reveal too much, but a couple noms we are considering include a mac-n-cheese bar (a bride fave!), cookies (a groom fave!) aaaand...yes, i know what you really want to hear: haribo gummi bears! contain yourself, i know it's very exciting. did you know you can buy them in 5 lb bags on amazon? five pounds of heaven is what it is.

so, we'll see over the next several days how things shake out with estimates. i'm sure my pie-in-the-sky ideas of what we can have at the reception will be brought back down to earth. so stay tuned...

making it "officiant".

tick another day off the calendar! only 352 more to go.

no, i didn't count it. it's just that every time i log in on the knot, i see this countdown calendar blaring at me. it has no real effect on me now while it's almost a year out from the wedding, but something tells me i'm going to log in one day in early september next year and have a panic attack.

anywho, we now have someone to administer our vows. hence my lame and punny title to this post. and i'm not sure how this reads, but i'm actually really excited about this. exclamation point!

so i don't want to offend anyone reading, but polotek and i are more secular-minded in the way that we lead our lives. to those who know me, i'm sure that my beliefs can seem somewhat agnostic, but i am actually roman catholic (polotek is baptist), and i'm not sure if many of my friends know that. i'd say we're pretty casual christians.

therefore, the fact of the matter is that my church-going in the years since school has pretty much been for going to funerals. and messiah sing-a-longs. gotta love handel.

does that make me a bad person? man, this conversation is getting heavy. so long story short, the reverend who will administer our vows has a special connection to me. he is the reverend of a church in the small town of haymarket, va (the real virginia, for those reading in the dc area), which is the family church of my stepmother. i first heard him speak at my nana's memorial service, and was so extraordinarily touched by him. i had the privilege of hearing him speak two more times since then. and each time i felt that the things he said weren't "preachy", but poetic. beautiful. poignant.

i remembered afterward making the joke that "if i went to church, i'd go to THAT church to hear him speak." ha.

so you get the point. i think he is perfect for our wedding. now i really can't wait for showtime!

the dreaded invitation list.

with this post, i do believe i have surpassed the number of all posts i have ever posted on my previous blogs....combined. ha! so let this be a testament to my tireless devotion to bringing my peeps one hell of a party next fall. "hold on to your butts!" {i love saying that. can you name that movie??}

ok, my sentiments about the invitation list = shoot me. right now. please? yeah.

i am told that this is hands down THE HARDEST THING a couple has to do for their wedding.

we don't want to exclude anyone, but there is a finite number of invitations we can afford to send for a number of reasons.

when we break it down to the cost per person for food and bevies at the reception, it's easy to say we will have X number of people. but then when looking back at the list at names and thinking about how great it would be to have so-and-so come, or how happy this or that person would be to get an invite, it's not so easy. maybe we'll just go to costco and buy a crap ton of hot pockets and capri sun.

luckily the space issue is now resolved by booking st. francis hall, but finding a venue that can fit 100+ people for a ceremony and reception in the dc area for less than $2500 was crazy frustrating.

{with no particular persons in mind} what do you do about a relative whom you haven't seen or spoken with since you were 10, but is within a close circle of your family? or what about the friend whom you used to be ace-boon-coons with, and you may have even talked extensively with about going to each others weddings one day, but life happened, and you haven't really been in touch for a while? what about friends who aren't BFFs but might feel excluded if you invite everyone else in the circle? or what about really new, fun and fresh friends who you just met and feel close with, but can't confirm what your relationship will be in a year? the questions go on.... see? this part is not always fun.

i also want to be sensitive to the bride-groom invite ratio. where polotek is much more selective about his circle of friends, i feel that i have so many that would love to be apart of our special day. so the ratio currently stands at 2:1, but i don't want to dominate the event with all of my people! what to do?

right now the number is fluctuating between 150-200 people, and that is a very large group of people. huge, in fact.

a few people have mentioned that i should consider implementing "the single rule", where my friends that are not married, engaged, or in a serious long-term relationship should be asked to come alone. a few other people have told me they are less crazy about the idea. at this point, i have no clue what is the best thing to do.

because of these overwhelming factors, and my huge desire to make sure everyone is happy, i thank the heavens for schniz. my wedding goddess. we can rest assured that in the end, things will come together with her on our side.

i know, somewhat unrelated to this post, but so cute!

so yeah, it's a balancing act. some of you may be thinking that we should not worry about any of this, and that we should just let the cards fall where they will. but to me, it's not that easy. polotek and i are all about "the more, the merrier" and we want to be as inclusive as possible. we are having this wedding for all our friends and family because it IS a momentous occasion in our lives and the lives of our loved ones. so i say, go big or go home! that is, within the reasonable confines of our budget, of course. ;)

please feel free to share your thoughts and/or invitation list woes.

gotta get down on friday!

yesterday i talked about st. francis hall as the top venue contender. afterward i ogled the photos some more, went drinking with some co-workers, came home, looked at everything again with polotek, and went to sleep. how do i feel now?

i still feel like it's fabulous. dare i say perfect? polotek likes the place, too. the catch is that we can only afford to book a friday at this venue. with a rental fee of $2500, that fits exactly within our budget with no wiggle room. the good thing is that the price does include everything in the rental, including taxes and fees (yippeeee!!), but i can't just gloss over the fact that booking a friday wedding clearly requires that most people take a day off from work if they want to attend. is it selfish to book a friday wedding?

let's think about this...

PROS

• it would save us $700 (vs. sunday) or $1500 (vs. saturday)! i could do a lot of other awesome things with that money. like buy a wedding dress.
  
• fridays are easier to book since most couples get married on saturday
• we could use the rest of the weekend to hang out with our peeps, without the pressure of the upcoming wedding
• people can get significantly inebriated at the reception and sleep it off on a saturday ;)
  
• we could take pictures that look like this (!!!!):
  

this is an actual picture taken on their grounds. amaze.

CONS

• people would more than likely have to take a day off from work to attend
• some people may not be able to make it because of work....?
• people possibly driving in dc traffic to our wedding in the city on a friday afternoon...?
  

i would now like to open up this discussion to the public. please PLEASE let me know your thoughts on this!!

preliminary decisions.

we've been engaged for a little less than a month, and i am already totally obsessed and consumed with wedding fever.

let me say that i was not one of those little girls who started planning this thing when she was five. in fact, pre-engagement, all i wanted was for someone to tell me when and where to show up -- with the idea being that there would be a party all day and all night, and somewhere along the way, we'd exchange some rings and say some stuff.

polotek and i are obviously very serious people. see exhibit A below.

see? so cereal.

ha, but really. while i'd like to think that i haven't strayed too far from my free-loving idea, something did indeed happen when polotek put this two-carat beauty on my left hand. some kind of bridal magic spell came over me and convinced me that i must make this an affair to remember.

all kidding aside, i do consider this an important event for our families and friends. and i'm not going to get all "fight the power" on this blog, but i will say that it makes us proud to know that we are defying the odds and statistics that overwhelmingly show the stable black relationship as some elusive thing. like a double rainbow. or michelle bachmann's common sense.

offbeat. unique. cool. fun. all words i want people to use when they are raving to their peeps about the awesome time they had at our wedding. hellmuthafreakinyeah.

that's literally what i said, by the way. when polotek asked me to marry him. except it was the actual expletive. obviously.

preliminary decisions are the hard part. at least that's what they tell me. i sure as hell hope it gets easier after this. there's a lot of moving parts right now -- budget, venue, invite list. stress? check.

the numbers estimate is floating somewhere between 120-200. that is a large gap. we have to work that out. but part of that depends on what venue we land, which feels like we are playing a game of craps. we've decided to have the wedding in the dc area (even though we recently moved across this big country to san francisco) so we can have as many of our special people attend as possible. but scoring a low-cost venue in the dc metro area is no small feat. so i am learning.

honestly, i don't know what i'd do without schniz to pull more and more options out of her hat. its only been a few weeks, and she has already sent countless emails to places, and pulled me back from the brink of craycray at least twice. she is a wedding goddess. working tirelessly for us to find a venue that we love for less than $2,500.

does that sound like a lot of money to you? because it initially did to me. i'm learning a lot during this process, and let me impart the first lesson: weddings are not cheap. putting numbers on paper for a wedding will hurt your soul. unless you are rich. then the possibilities are endless! however, we are not rich. we are forking up $15K from our pockets to bring this lovely (and not so) little affair to fruition. there have been weddings pulled off with less, and definitely with more. but in the realm of wedding planning, we're looking at smallish peas, people.

and we are doing this the debt-free way, so that means budget, budget budget! lucky for me, i am marrying a money management master.

but still -- this wedding ish ain't cheap.