my big, fat....self.

we had an awesome shoot on saturday. i'll share more about the experience after we get to see the photos in a few weeks. i know that the shots ananda took will probably be amazing because i did get a glimpse of a couple on her camera screen. she's fab. marco and i loved the shoot.

however, the more important issue of today is when i was looking at a few behind-the-scenes photos taken by a friend of mine who helped out, something i saw was pretty saddening. i noticed how big i've gotten. ugh.

i actually look pretty cute in this one -- did you think i would post a "whale" photo of myself on here?!?!

as i was flipping through my friend's pictures i couldn't help but ask, "oh dear god, why am i so HUGE?!"

well, i actually DO know the answer to this. and it seems to be a recurring theme in recent conversations polotek and i have had. we know that the way we have been treating our bodies is not good. and i don't want to turn into one of the klumps! my knees are already bad enough, i doubt they could stand eddie murphy weight!

i know it's definitely a "thing" that brides-to-be (and bridesmaids) get all self-conscious about their scale digits and do all kinds of crazy stuff. diet pills, starving themselves, liposuction, ordering a dress in their "dream" size. ummm, no thank you. not for me. that sounds dreadful!

what i'm planning on doing is changing over to more paleo-focused eating. maybe this is my crazy thing. well, i mean, it's not really all that crazy. but it is a little unconventional. and i'm ready to take things in a new direction.

i specifically want to follow the guidelines of the bulletproof diet, as outlined by dave asprey. but i'm not planning on going cold turkey. i know doing that won't work for me. you should really read about it, but in a nutshell the diet is not based on moderating caloric intake at all -- what it requires is for a person to eat things that will keep their blood sugar levels low and insulin levels low, thereby allowing less storage and more burning of fat. the things you eat in a paleo diet are mostly comprised of natural fats (50-60% of your calories in a day, whaaaa?!) and protein, and lots of vegetables.

now, i know to some of you reading this, this new way of eating may sound completely cuckoo-pants. at first it did to me, too. but i know people who have been living the lifestyle for quite some time, and have seen the results firsthand. right now i am reading and trying to absorb as much about it as possible. SO MUCH is different from how i think about eating.

here are some initial things that i know will be challenges:
(1) eliminating (even a little bit of) grains / starches / sugars - the top culprits of high blood sugar.
(2) cutting back on the booze because of the sugars produced by alcohol = massive frowny face -- womp, womp -- i should probably walk away right now...
(3) lots of veggies....blah
(4) all that fat???
(5) my birthday is this week / i have people coming to visit in early november / the holidays AKA food-binge-o-rama is right around the corner.

some positives:
(1) all that fat!!!
(2) the diet seems to require very little, if any, exercise for most people. (hellmuthaf*ckinyeah!) :D

to that last point -- let's be real. people who know me know that i can avoid exercise like the plague. i'm quite good at it, actually. i'm so over trying to convince myself that i love to exercise. because i don't. i think if i did then i'd be doing it right now, instead of researching paleo dieting.

whenever i psych myself up to exercise, the time rolls around and i suddenly have too many other important things to do. like clean the house. or sew something. or upload pictures of fabric samples to pinterest. ha, molto importante!

my plan is to try to EASE into it. 
what does that mean? good question. for now it entails a two-week challenge of no grains and starches EXCEPT for up to one cup of rice each week. then, after that, i'll pick up one new small change every week or so afterward.

interested in chronicling my possible success or utter failure with me? i thought you might be. look for me to hijack my friends' group fitness blog, or revive my dormant blog, le petit pane. i guess i may have to consider changing my blog name, being that the title is a mish-mash of french and italian that means "the little bread".

either way, i'll keep you all posted on which channel i will share my frustrations. because, trust me, there WILL be frustrations.